Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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