can we get nightvision for the apartment?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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