so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
