He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
