Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
