I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
