Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
