she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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