High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
