my shit smells like andre
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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