Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
