Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
