i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
