Is it normal to miss your booty call?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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