Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
