i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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