jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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