i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
