It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Let's paint friendship bongs
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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