Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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