Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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