i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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