I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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