What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
