if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just want to make out with him forever
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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