i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
