Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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