i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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