she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
