Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
operation have a gay friend backfired
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
