well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
