I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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