i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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