I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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