you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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