Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
