I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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