just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
