Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
How does one acquire holy water?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
