i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
