Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
