i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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