These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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