This girl is more easily done than said...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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