we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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