Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
