Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
