I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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