So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
