New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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