I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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