So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
