We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
