brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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