so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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