I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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