I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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