im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
