All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
