Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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