You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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