I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Someone came in the potted fern
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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