Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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