Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
