the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
