is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I got her a Nickelback box set.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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