it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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