I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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