is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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