Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
