think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
