Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
