the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
