this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
