You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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