Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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