Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
