I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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