Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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