I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
