My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
