If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
