when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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